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Sausage Festival

by The Meat Sweats

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1.
Maybe it was the burrito Or all that pizza what the fuck was in those chimichangas All i know is I need to shit I need to do it fast Soon toxic waste will be spewing out my ass Stomach churning Colon burning Oh god it hurts so bad Cheeks clenching Legs are shaking Worst pain I've ever had Oh god I need to shit! Finally able to relieve my bowels But something is wrong The toilet is cracking under the pressure The toilet has shattered Flying through the air Now there's shit everywhere Stomach churning Colon burning Oh god it hurts so bad Cheeks clenching Legs are shaking Worst pain I've ever had Oh man i can't do this anymore! I finally awoke To chaos and destruction What smells like shit? The whole house has leveled People are screaming The only explanation, explosive diarrhea Stomach churning Colon burning Oh god it hurts so bad Cheeks clenching Legs are shaking Worst pain I've ever had (Whimpering)
2.
Ballad of the Blade (Mom I broke my sword) What can I do With a broken blade No more quest To be made I’ll be food For the trolls Unless I search With soul eBay show your selection Of hardened steel To add to my collection Finally The perfect one Mom Get the capital one Two to four weeks of shipping My d&d group will be pissed I guess I’ll be the DM for awhile The’ll fight and pillage and rape without me I can’t take it anymore I’m tired of reciting lore I just want to kill an ogre Goblins knolls or a beholder Mom said the sword arrived When I saw it I nearly cried She rolled her eyes and left the room Prepare yourself i’m ready for Doom Gonna kill a fuckin dragon Level 70 battle mage Just nailed an eleven hottie Found the bracelet of sex change So many crazy adventures I left a horde of orcs in blaze I’m the ruler of these lands And I never even left my basement
3.
This is a story About a guy Who has discovered Bacon is cancerous Even sausage Is out to kill I can't stop I need my fill You can't take it from me I need my greasy meat You don't understand I will destroy and maim Anyone who stands in my way I promise heads will roll Now i'm in the ward i threatened the fucking clerk He stood in my way I'm on Mellow meds Cravings will not stop Bacon calls my name I have just been released Free to roam the streets I am completly cured I go to get some lunch A nice greek salad Then i smell some bacon I start to sweat like mad Slowly going insane Bacon still calls my name Bacon Bacon Sausage Sausage Sausage Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon All i wanted was some bacon, just some bacon, but they wouldn't give it to me just some bacon.
4.
Meat Salad 05:15
5.
You're Vegan 00:03
You're vegan, but why?
6.
It's funny cause they're short. Midget wrestling.
7.
Meat Grind 00:43
Meat Grind Meat Grind Meat grind Meat grind Meat grind Meat grind Nathan Hines Piece of pie Pork rind Now you die Meat grind Meat grind Meat grind Meat grind jfbiejnf jnfj jbirnikmrkm njvnf jnrfiujnif iii nkejrng Hamburgler!
8.
(The distant sound of flatulence.)
9.
Shitstorm 02:47
Sky goes dark Looks like a flower Sounds like fart Then comes the shower Rain is brown Smells like shit I think there's corn Now i'm covered in it Using the earth for it's original purpose A giant, cosmic porcelain throne We're just a pest That somehow survived in the bowl Every 65 million years God takes a dump on us What are we to do But sit here and take this crap God never cared What a dick Maybe that's why The world was sick Now comes death A shitty fate Now pray From his bowels come hate Using the earth for it's original purpose A giant, cosmic porcelain throne We're just a pest That somehow survived in the bowl Every 65 million years God takes a dump on us What are we to do But sit here and take this crap
10.
Added length to his arms To unleash a killer beast The result unexpected T-Rex calm and collected First he’s sitting then he’s fapping Frightening sounds of thunder clapping Holds on tight aims his leather Gobs the place like stormy weather Used to be A killer beast Now at peace We leave the gates Open Without fear Found his zen Rubbing his hands With his glands We have to reduce his sex drive Added length to his arms To unleash a killer beast The result unexpected T-Rex calm and collected First he’s sitting then he’s fapping Frightening sounds of thunder clapping Holds on tight aims his leather Gobs the place like stormy weather Made him a wife Found him a jobs Waited ten years Now he’s pissed Ready to go Start some carnage First stop The pharmacy Found something neat Dino viagra Goddamnit
11.
Here he comes Hail the Meat Lord Defy him And he'll nail you to the cutting board He rules one He rules all the meat Frying you up Is his favorite treat You broke the law Your punishment is due Hot dog water bath Waiting for you Never the same A man named Toni Spent the rest of his days Smelling like pepperoni All hail, the Meat Lord! (solo) You feel that? That's the Meat Sweats! I smell sweat I smell sausage The Meat Lord Has someone hostage Here he comes Hail the Meat Lord Defy him He'll nail you to the cutting board Depressed and alone They call him poor Blair Every time he sweats You can smell donair This is how He rules his domain You fuck up He causes you pain I dub thee, Meat Slaves!
12.
Ruuuuuuuun The moose just ate Ted A mutant creation Terrorizing the nation It won't stop till it's fed Fuuuuccckkkk Eyes black without soul Eating human flesh Leaves a bloody mess It has but one goal Eating all it fucking can Gonna have to think of a plan To escape the violent beast Before I become it's next feast Drooling radioactive green On his antler lies a spleen Breath drawing ever closer Guess i'm just an unlucky hoser Running For my life Living Would be nice Plowing Through the trees Killing All it sees Unleash the moose! Ruuuunnnn Mooooose People gored on its horns Out of breath Wishing for death Wish i was never born Looooose Survival is so fucking far I'm gonna die Fuck, oh my The moose was just hit by a car (solo) Ruuuuuuuun The moose just ate Fred A mutant creation Terrorizing the nation It won't stop till it's fed Fuuuuccckkkk Eyes black without soul Eating human flesh Leaves a bloody mess It has but one goal Eating all it fucking can Gonna have to think of a plan To escape the violent beast Before I become it's next feast Drooling radioactive green On his antler lies a spleen Breath drawing ever closer Guess i'm just an unlucky hoser Running For my life Living Would be nice Plowing Through the trees Killing All it sees Unleash the moose! Ruuuunnnn Mooooose People gored on its horns Out of breath Wishing for death Wish i was never born Looooose I think i'm going insane I'm gonna die Fuck, oh my The moose was just hit by a train

about

This release number one from the greasiest band in the universe, THE MEAT SWEATS. Listen for a meat-iocre experience you'll only want to experience a certain amount of times

credits

released November 17, 2017

The Meat Sweats are:
Salami Stef: old bass player / extra guitarist / always vocals
Sausage Steve: guitar / back up vocals
Pepperoni Paul: old drummer / new bass player
Donair Dylan: new drummer

Thanks To Matthew Burke at Red Room Studios for recording this non-sense

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The Meat Sweats Sydney, Nova Scotia

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